bearing the weight

the burdens we bare can be heavy. they can be difficult. they can be harsh. weary and exhausting to carry. we can question. wonder. doubt. and weep because of them. we don't like how they make us feel. or the wounds they leave. we wish at times that they would just go away. they linger longer than we want them to at times. we can't help but ask, "why do we have to go through this? or how long will it last?"

whether we are the ones enduring the burden or hardship. or whether we are watching our loved ones go through it. we are walking through it together. it's hard. it's heavy. it's unbearable at times. we are supporting each other and we also need support. through hugs, smiles, notes of encouragement, prayers, flowers, text messages or emails. no matter what they are, each one uplifts our weary hearts. we have been encouraged by the Lord in Him using others to speak to us. and so through that, we are able to carry on because He gives us strength.

that has been the summation of these last 2 weeks. we have carried a heavy burden everyday. we have braced ourselves for all scenarios. sometimes life is much more than we can endure. actually, it is way more than we can handle. in fact, it's not for us to control at all. we are to trust the One who knows. our lives are controlled by our Heavenly Father, not us. He is the beginning and the end. He is Sovereign in every season. He is good in every season. He knows the times, the places, the people, and every moment. nothing is a surprise. NOTHING.

so in this season of our lives, my family is enduring trials. we are carrying the weight of watching my dad fight to live. we are fighting right alongside him as long as he is willing to. we each are processing this journey of my dad's health differently. we are being challenged and strengthened in our faith. we each have cried our tears. we each have spent nights awake taking care of dad. we each have racked in many hours sitting in his room with him. we will continue to bear the weight until it's over..whether the Lord chooses to heal him on this side of heaven or if He takes him on home to heaven. we will praise the Lord and carry His Name in every season! Jesus has already overcome this trial and we will seek His face through every step. He is our anchor of hope and our refuge in our time of need! 

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." Matt 11:28-29

delayed departure

well the plan was for me to head back to uganda today. i would be stepping onto the plane and getting settled in my seat for the 20 hour plane ride...BUT that is not happening. God had different plans. 

i am now on my 5th day at harris methodist hospital in ft worth, along with my mom, sister and other family members. it is incredibly how fast time has gone since i have spent my days inside with my dad. we have had some sweet moments together and i wouldn't trade any day outside for a day to spend with my dad holding his hand, wiping his mouth, feeding him, or rubbing his shoulder. 

i had to quickly make a decision about what my time looked like in "when" to go back to uganda. that was what people wanted to know immediately when i first arrived back in the states. it was hard for me to answer that because i just gotten home. i knew i would be thrown into a world wind with my dad's health declining, but i had no idea it would be this. 

my dad has been fighting cancer for almost 4yrs. he has rallied many times and won the small battles. but what we are in now, is a war. the cancer has spread throughout the liver even more and continues to attack his body. when we least expected it, dad had a stroke on new years eve. it has added to all the underlying conditions and makes beating cancer even harder. our days with him mean even more now. 

since arriving in mid-december, i knew i would need to extend my stay here with my family to help take care of some things. but knowing how long to extend was the question...the Lord began making it clear. He was once again asking me to hand over my detail-oriented mind, my control, my plans and trust Him. trust the plans He has for me. trust that i am exactly where i need to be. trust that all that has happened in uganda and will happen is His work, not anything i am doing. so i made a decision and cancelled my flight. as the Lord reveals, i will move forward in booking another flight. 

i felt peace about extending my stay here in the states for a bit. the Lord opened doors in that avenue in blessing me with grace from the family i was living with to tutor their son, as well as with ROWAN and the team in mawanga village. i am praying for God to reveal to me the time to return. i have no doubt that i am supposed to be there, but the timing is in the Lord's hands. i look forward to the day of when i can walk the dirt roads of mawanga village. it could be in a few weeks or months, but no matter when, i believe i will feel God's peace wash over me.

please pray for my dad and my family. we have had some tough days and even long days in the hospital.  pray that God would speak so clearly to us with any decision or action that needs to be taken. pray for timing of when i need to head back to uganda. and pray that God would be seen in all of this. pray that HIS name would be exalted and glorified! 

may we carry His name well in all things...