this year is particularly different for me than the last. every morning i am reminded of "what we did last year" for this year and every year, in fact, is always a little different than the past one. whether i'm celebrating with a different family, different place, or the feeling of the holidays changes. every year is different in it's own unique way.
my mind, heart, emotions, thoughts have been overwhelmed lately as the days continue. and with the added tragedy of newtown, ct..i am a mess. the aching. the hurt. the loss. the sorrow. the deep pain. the reality of never seeing your loved one again. it's something that will stay with you. and you will always be reminded of that person not with you, whether it's the holidays, events, birthdays, or celebrations you have longed to have them with you for. the longing for them remains.
in the midst of the ache and pain, i find myself wishing someone knew my loss. even though my siblings understand the same loss i do, still each sibling has grieved differently. our relationship with my dad was unique and special. we each have our own memories and favorite moments with dad. so it's hard for each of us to know the others pain. it's hard to explain it to my friends and those close to me. it's in those moments that i feel the loneliest. yet i realize there is One who knows. there is One who understands. there is One who says, "I know your pain. I know your sorrow. I know your loss. I know your thoughts, feelings, emotions, and I hold your tears. I am strong for you. I will uphold you. I will carry you. I alone will heal you. I am the One you need the most. You are not alone. And I am waiting for you to come to me. Come and rest in my loving arms."
"Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men,
and He will dwell with them,
and they shall be His people.
God Himself will be with them and be their God.
And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes;
there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying.
There will be no more pain,
for the former things have passed away."
Revelation 21:3-4
and so as we enter this last week until christmas, i am extremely thankful for the most anticipated gift God could ever give us. the gift of His son. and through His son came so much more than i could fathom. the One who is my Hope when i feel hopeless. the One who is my Light in the darkness. the One who Heals. the One who has Redeemed me. the One who restores and makes all things new. the One who loves me thoroughly and completely. the One who always waits for me to return to Him. and loves me still.
thus in the midst of sorrow, i find Hope in the One who came for me. and who came for you. He is the gift that deserves to be praised, honored, and celebrated this season.
how vast and great is His love for me...(Eph 2:4-10)
"For unto us a Child is born, Unto us a Son is given;
And the government will be upon His shoulder.
And His will be called Wonderful, Counselor,
Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace."
Isaiah 9:6
