sweetness in the sorrow

it's amazing to me how quickly the holidays have come so fast. each day i am reminded of the season i am in. with the music on the radio. houses decorated with all the christmas sparkle. and the crisp cool air (well when we have the cold fronts) but all in all, the holidays have been in full swing since thanksgiving.

this year is particularly different for me than the last. every morning i am reminded of "what we did last year" for this year and every year, in fact, is always a little different than the past one. whether i'm celebrating with a different family, different place, or the feeling of the holidays changes. every year is different in it's own unique way.

my mind, heart, emotions, thoughts have been overwhelmed lately as the days continue. and with the added tragedy of newtown, ct..i am a mess. the aching. the hurt. the loss. the sorrow. the deep pain. the reality of never seeing your loved one again. it's something that will stay with you. and you will always be reminded of that person not with you, whether it's the holidays, events, birthdays, or celebrations you have longed to have them with you for. the longing for them remains.

in the midst of the ache and pain, i find myself wishing someone knew my loss. even though my siblings understand the same loss i do, still each sibling has grieved differently. our relationship with my dad was unique and special. we each have our own memories and favorite moments with dad. so it's hard for each of us to know the others pain. it's hard to explain it to my friends and those close to me. it's in those moments that i feel the loneliest. yet i realize there is One who knows. there is One who understands. there is One who says, "I know your pain. I know your sorrow. I know your loss. I know your thoughts, feelings, emotions, and I hold your tears. I am strong for you. I will uphold you. I will carry you. I alone will heal you. I am the One you need the most. You are not alone. And I am waiting for you to come to me. Come and rest in my loving arms."  

"Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, 

and He will dwell with them, 

and they shall be His people. 

God Himself will be with them and be their God. 

And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; 

there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying.

 There will be no more pain, 

for the former things have passed away." 

Revelation 21:3-4

and so as we enter this last week until christmas, i am extremely thankful for the most anticipated gift God could ever give us. the gift of His son. and through His son came so much more than i could fathom. the One who is my Hope when i feel hopeless. the One who is my Light in the darkness. the One who Heals. the One who has Redeemed me. the One who restores and makes all things new. the One who loves me thoroughly and completely. the One who always waits for me to return to Him. and loves me still.

thus in the midst of sorrow, i find Hope in the One who came for me. and who came for you. He is the gift that deserves to be praised, honored, and celebrated this season.

how vast and great is His love for me...(Eph 2:4-10)

"For unto us a Child is born, Unto us a Son is given;

And the government will be upon His shoulder.

And His will be called Wonderful, Counselor,

Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace."

Isaiah 9:6

Finally an update...with pictures!!

I have slacked big time with my updates. I have not been able to give time to updating my blog as I should be doing, so I'm going to give you a recap using pictures. I think it's just more fun to see what I have been doing anyways. I don't have every event covered but I have been trying to capture many different things. One thing I can say is that it is been so rich and full of friends, laughter, smiles, and fun! Enjoy! :) 

OCTOBER FUN!

Spent a fun weekend at home in October with my mom

Jordan came with me to meet some more family members!

Raylee turned 10 years old October 11 

so I had a yogurt date with this sweet niece of mine!

My friend Erin got married October 26th so 

I took a fun trip to Arkansas to celebrate & 

see some of my precious friends!

One of my best friends Stephanie! Loved getting time with her!

During my layover in Atlanta, my dear friend 

Sarah came to airport to spend 2 hours with me!

 It was the best surprise to a great weekend!

Jordan and I got to attend a Golf Tournament during October. It was beautiful!

Our Fall Picture! 

Huge Pumpkin at the hotel where the golf tournament was held

NOVEMBER!!

I got to return to Waco for Baylor Homecoming! 

I had a blast seeing my old roommates & lots of friends!

Sic'em Bears!

My cousin, Katie, is a Chi Omega Baylor!

I also got to see one of my old small group girls and now a sweet friend.

Jordan and I walked around Baylor

On a beautiful Sunday afternoon we went paddle boarding on the comal river!

During November, New Braunfels has a huge event called Wurstfest! It is a week long German festival. Mom came down to experience it. We had a blast eating lots of food and listening to some great music!

Jordan and I at Wurstfest listening to the Alex Meixnex Band..he was by far the best Accordion-polka-rocker I've heard!

It's Thanksgiving week, which is still hard for me to believe that it's already here! This time last year I was on the other side of the world. It's amazing where God can bring you in a year! Can't wait to see where I'm at a year from now! :) My mom is coming down to New Braunfels to spend Thanksgiving with my sister's family and I. We are all looking forward to the break from school! Happy Thanksgiving everyone! There is sure a lot to be Thankful for this year!

an abundant life!

...one that is completely and utterly full of some many things. where your cup is not just half full, but spilling over more and more

the word abundant--abundantly--abundance have been a common theme lately. it's a great description of my heart being abundantly full, satisfied, and overwhelmed with God's goodness through this season.

 ~ a-bun-dant ~ 

to be in great quanitity, more than adequate; to overflow; 

well or richly supplied; in plenty; 

overflowing fullness...abundance of the heart

Colossians 2:6-7

"As you therefore have received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him, rooted and built up in Him and established in the faith, as you have been taught, abounding in it with thanksgiving."

John 10:10
"I [Jesus] have come that they may have life and that they may have it more abundantly."

Psalm 36:5-9

"Your mercy, O Lord, is in the heavens; Your faithfulness reaches to the clouds. Your righteousness is like the great mountians; Your judgements are a great deep; O Lord, You preserve man and beast. 

How precious is Your loving-kindness, O God! Therefore the children of men put their trust under the shadow of Your wings. They are abundantly satisfied with the fullness of Your house and you give them drink from the river of your pleasures. For with You is the fountain of life; in Your light we see light."

>a few words from AW Tozer's, The Pursuit of God...

"God made us for Himself -- to glorify God and enjoy Him forever -- to see Him and live with Him and draw our life from His smile -- He moves us to return [to Him]."

"He waits to show Himself in ravishing fullness to the humble of soul and the pure in heart.."


Lord, my cup runeth over with gratitude, love, and thankfulness for the gifts you have given! Amen and Amen, and Amen again!

"Always be full of joy in the Lord. 
I say it again—rejoice! 

 Let everyone see that you are 
considerate in all you do." 

Phil 4:4-5 NLT

the sweetness of a new season has refreshed my heart and soul. i am so undeserving of the many blessings the Lord has graciously given. He has moved and stirred my affections for Him in more ways than i imagined. and it's not because of what He has done for me or the blessings He has given. my affections are stirred because of who He is to me. He has shown Himself as my Father, my Shepherd, my Joy, my source of life, my Protector, my Leader, my Refuge, my Hope, my Strength, my Guide, my every step, One in whom i can fully Trust...and so much more!

sometimes change can be difficult for me. it can pull, pry, refine, shape, draw up anxiety or frustrate me. it's natural and normal to feel that way. but this time it's different...yes, i did just get back from uganda 7 weeks ago. yes i did just pack up and move to new braunfels, texas 2 weeks into arriving in the states. yes, i did just start a new job and i've been running 100miles an hour since. yes, life is crazy to say the least but i have had such a blast! i can't believe how much fun i have had thus far. :)

i absolutely love what i get to do. being on campus as a librarian as well as being on the court and coaching a sport i love. it's a dream job really. in addition to work, i have been spoiled with the friendships i have made so far. at times it's hard for me meeting new people but God has blessed my socks off.  i have loved and thoroughly enjoy being around them! and at the end of the day...i stand in awe. not at the tangible things God has done. but the unseen things -- the way He comforts my spirit-- the way He knows my heart -- the way he establishes conversations that are challenging and uplifting -- the way He takes care of a weary soul like mine. He knows what i need. so i rest in that. i rest in the fact that my security is found in Him. i rest in His sweetness and in His love. and i embrace this season with open arms and refreshed soul!

~thank you Jesus for leading me and showing yourself more beautifully than ever!

"Do not be anxious about anything, 
but in every situation, 

by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, 
present your requests to God. 

And the peace of God, 
which transcends all understanding, 

will guard your hearts 
and your minds in Christ Jesus." 

Phil 4:6-7 NIV

from uganda to new braunfels

wow. i have blinked and a whole month has somehow passed by. what a whirlwind my life has been over the passed 4 weeks. what a gracious God i serve and how privileged to be where i am right now...

as i write this, i am sitting in bed on the eve of the first day of school for new braunfels christian academy. i still can't believe i am here. i still can't believe that i am in new braunfels living with my sister's family. and i still can't believe how God ordained all of this before time, but especially when i was still in africa.  it is by the grace of God and His sweet mercies that i here doing what i'm doing.

to make a very long story short...after a crazy turn of events, i was offered the position of being the varsity volleyball coach at new braunfels christian academy...while i was still in uganda. crazy huh!? after much prayer, i accepted the offer. before all of this came about though, i was already making the transition home after spending 3 months in uganda, but i didn't know exactly what i would be doing. however, the Lord had it all mapped out even before getting back onto the US soil. (it blows me away every time i think back on it)

the fam at greenie peek, nm

i arrived back in the states july 23 and spent the first week with most of my family in red river, nm. it was so refreshing to be back with them and to have that time together. the next week i spent in cleburne seeing people, spending time with family, unpacking and then re-packing (story of my life!). i headed south august 5. my coaching duties started the next day and that was just the beginning!! :)

i am 3 weeks in, with a few games under my belt. tomorrow starts another new season because on top of coaching volleyball, i am also working in the high school library. so yes, i am the new (and improved, i might add) librarian! haha...we will see! it still takes a lot for me to say that, but i'm trying to embrace it on a daily basis. :) anyways..all that to say, i will be with kids all the time which i am pumped about! that is where my heart is and i can't wait to see what God opens up being in that position. 

but beyond getting to do what i love, i have also been so blessed beyond measure with the friendships and community here. before i knew i was coming back when i did, i began praying for friendships like the ones i have now! i am so grateful to share life with these precious friends! my cup is full and overflowing with praise to the Lord for what He has does thus far! i can't wait to see what this year holds and how He will reveal Himself to me more and more! 

ready or not..here we go! 

(ps..to all my friends who i have been playing phone tag with or haven't had a chance to talk to, i apologize. it really has been a hectic 3 weeks but i am wanting to carve out time to chat! much love to you all!)

Pictures

A few pictures of my last week in Uganda..more to come..

Walking around Mawanga..

Went to visit a family who had a fire in their bedroom

Love these two - 

Pastor Paul and Edisa

Huge Matooke truck driving a little sideways

Lake Victoria at the Zoo in Entebbe

 Emma and Me

yep, I rode a camel in Uganda!

Made it to the Equator! :)

pics from rwanda

A few pictures from my trip to Kigali, Rwanda!

Tea Plantation in the valley

City of Kigali..a "city on a hill"

couldn't believe how nice it was!

am i in america? crazy nice streets i'd say! 

eating some maize with the teachers when I visited IWE 

(Institution for Women of Excellence)

"The Land of 1000 Hills"

crossing the border on foot! 

the sunrise is absolutely beautiful in africa!

It was a great trip minus the fact that I got sick on the bus ride back to Kampala! :) I guess it's just another part of the adventure... :)

beauty beyond the storm

This week the temperatures have been cooler. The ground has been more wet. The mud has been more present then usual. The sky has been darker. The clouds have been heavy. The rains have come. Making it difficult for everyone. It’s only a matter of time though when it will pass. When the calmness comes. When a tranquility of peace falls. When  quietness soothes the soul. And a feeling that only comes after the winds, the rain, the thunder, and lightening blows through. You get to enjoy the refreshing feeling if only you are willing to hang on. If you are able and strong enough to withstand the storm.

Being at rest and seeking the stillness your soul longs for can be difficult. When deep down you long for it but somehow you can’t get there. We can’t find our way by ourselves. We have to be lead by Him who knows. We have to be guided, directed, and lead by the Great Shepherd. He sees the best path, one that we can handle. However, at times, we as sheep, will go astray. We may think we know how to quiet our soul and choose our own way. But before we know it, our legs are broken…We are now being carried. We are on the shoulders of the Shepherd. He knows a better way, if we would only trust Him. If we would just let Him have His way. And now as He holds us close, we can see from His perspective. Through the pain of our legs being broken. The hurt. The suffering. We have to now endure the healing process. We have to wait. Be patient. And let God heal in His own and beautiful way. We are forced to be still. To rest and let His healing hands work.

Through the waiting period, we can haunted by our ghosts: fears, doubts, worries, insecurities, questions, uncertainties, etc…in the deep stillness, we are forced to face them. It's an ugly battle. One that we normally wouldn't choose. We may kick, scream, cry, be overwhelmed, or sit and hope it will pass. Then at the breaking point, we surrender. However, no matter what we may think or feel..we will win in the end. We win because we know the truth. We know that Jesus has overcome. We know that God's word is true. And in His very words He calls us His children. That He does not leave us. He leads us through what we think as a daunting and unimaginable journey. He leads us to a place of such freedom, peace, joy and abundant life!

Sometimes we don’t like to be still and rest, but oh there is such a treasure there. And the only way to really understand, one must still their heart and spirit. You must wait upon the Lord. You must listen in the quietness of your heart. Even though you may be wrestling with so much, your heart and soul long to commune with the Lord of Lords. It’s so worth pressing in and finding Him waiting for you. It’s worth the tears. The pruning. The molding of my heart to His. He sets these moments into action in order to draw us closer to Him. He is our loving Abba, Father, who knows what is best for us, who He has adopted as His own!

Below is what I read in my morning devotions from the book Streams in the Desert this mroning:

“For my words will certianly be fulfilled at the proper time.” 

Luke 1:20

“What the Lord has said…will be accomplished.”

 Luke 1:45

The Lord is sure to accomplish those things a loving heart has waited long to see; 

those words will be fulfilled to which she clings, 

because her God has promised faithfully; 

and knowing Him, she never can doubt His Word; 

He speaks and it is done. The mighty Lord!

The Lord is sure to accomplish those things, 

O burdened heart, rest ever in His care;

In quietness beneath His shadowing wings, 

await the answers to your longing prayers.

When you have cast your cares, the heart then sings, 

The Lord is sure to accomplish those things.

O tired heart, believe, and wait and pray. 

Though the cloud and rain and storm have filled the day. 

Faith pierces through the mist of doubt.

The Lord is sure to accomplish those things, 

O trusting heart, the Lord to you has told;

Let Faith and Hope arise…

“…you are God’s children because you know the Father…

God’s word lives in your hearts and you have won your battle with the evil one.” 

1 John 2:14

A time for everything…

Another month has past, yet it seems I’ve only blinked my eyes. It’s been a whirlwind of emotions but each one has been needed in this season of life. Each one plays a part in drawing me closer to Jesus, so I am praising Him for each tear and each smile.

Yesterday, I was getting in a workout at the American club, just up the hill from where I stay. I saw one of my friends and her dad working out. Her dad began asking what I’m doing here and a host of other questions. In an instant, so many emotions stirred up inside of me. He asked me, “how do your parents feel about you being here?” A typical question but hard to hear these days. This man didn’t know I had lost my dad in January. I looked at my friend who knew and she gave me a smile that spoke of her sadness for me. Those moments I am faced with explaining it all, which is still difficult.

I dug deep and explained how "my parents have been the biggest supporters of God calling me here to Africa. Even though it’s hard to have a daughter go off, they never wanted to stand in the way of what God was doing. Though this time, it’s been more difficult due to the loss of my dad and my mom being by herself." 

I believe my dad is still supporting me, but this time he gets to see how all of this fits together. He has the heavenly perspective from God’s view and what a view he has! ;)

Seeing that today marks 5 months of the loss of my Dad, I look back at the time I have been in Uganda for 2 of those months. I have gone through so many emotions and I believe there is a time for everything. I have found myself weeping, being lonely and broken. But then I find myself singing, laughing, dancing and embracing everything that comes from the Lord. There is a set time for everything. It each comes at the right moment. I have to believe that this journey is not over in experiencing all that God wants me to. So no matter the emotions, feelings, or what I go through, God is working all things together for my good and His glory!

Ecclesiastes 3:1-11

“For everything there is a season, 

a time for every activity under heaven.

A time to be born and a time to die.

A time to plant and a time to harvest.

A time to kill and a time to heal.

A time to tear down and time to build up.

A time to cry and time to laugh.

A time to grieve and time to dance.

A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.

A time to embrace and atime to turn away.

A time to search and time to quit searching. 

A time to tear and time to mend.

A time to be quiet and time to speak. 

A time to love and a time to hate.

A time for war and a time for peace.

God has made everything beautiful for its own time. 

He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, 

people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end.”

new friends in mawanga

taking visitors to mawanga could not have been more fun, more encouraging and more enlightening. i have always loved showing people what i do. really just introducing them to some of the most beautiful and precious people is so special and an honor for me. 

the past week has been filled with meeting new people and traveling all over. i met up with 2 new friends of mine, Pat and Angie. they are from canada and came to uganda for Pat's bicycle charity he has in the karamoja region (north east uganda). angie stubbled upon rowan through the web and the rest is history. i met them for lunch one day last week, then drove out with them the next day to mawanga. they could only stay a night, but during their time there they got to see a lot of different areas of the ministry. 

our new canadian friends, pat and angie

angie & i visiting a sweet family

one of the things i loved is seeing pastor paul be encouraged and challenged as he was discussing things with pat. sharing ideas, concepts, thoughts, and perspectives is what we love. we (all of those involved with rowan) want to be sponges. we want to learn. we want to know what is working on the ground and what's not. we want to know how others are doing it so that we may implement new ideas and strategic process. 

pat sharing with the staff

after pat and angie left, i got busy with my work in the village. from running errands with pastor paul in iganga, to home visits, to organizing some of the files in our office, to recording videos of our kids preparing their songs and dances for African Child Day, to meeting with some of the staff to discuss ideas on a kids camp, to hearing personal testimonies of what some adults have been able to accomplish through our adult literacy program. my days are always filled when i'm there. 

at iganga market with pastor paul

organizing the folders..it was quite the task!

visiting one of our zone leaders, Juliet!

our kids preparing for the african child day

i love sitting at the end of the day with hot tea thinking about the day. really i'm looking at what God accomplished that day. i'm just a vessel. i can't offer much but only what God gives, which is His love through His blessings. at the end of the day, it's all about Him. it's about what He is doing and accomplishing. 

i am blessed beyond measure to have the opportunity to see His hand at work...

a sneak peak..more to follow

had a great few days in the village! have lots of pictures and videos to share but will post more later. i'm headed off today to murchison falls with my new friends, angie and her dad, pat. excited to see new places in uganda with some new friends!

here are couple of pictures from the village...

sweet grandparents laughing

home visit with angie

some precious & beautiful little feet

our primary students 

a few of the daily battles...

a few eye opening statistics on the various issues that so many people face in 3rd world countries. (taken from the book i'm reading, "Hole in the Gospel")

Malnutrition

*1 out of 4 children in developing countries is underweight

*every 5 seconds a child dies from hunger-related causes

*25,000 people die each day and 9 million people die per year

 from hunger related causes

Malaria

*one of the world’s deadliest diseases

*more than 500 million clinical cases each year, resulting in 1.5-2.7 million deaths

*just 1 drop of water the size of the period at the end of this sentence can contain as many as fifty thousand one-celled parasites that carry the disease, yet it takes just one to kill a person.

*1 in every 13 people in the world every year become sick with Malaria

*1 child dies from Malaria every 30 seconds

Tuberculosis (TB)

*1/3 of the world’s population is infected..meaning about 2 billion people

*9 million new cases are reported annually

*2 million deaths

HIV/AIDS

*33 million people are infected

*70% of those infected are living in Africa

*25 million deaths since 1981

*1 in 3 adults in Swaziland are infected

All three of these life-threatening diseases result in more than 5 million deaths per year and half a billion new infections. 

Meet little Moses

He’s a beautiful child with a warm smile. He is just 5 or 6 years old and very involved in our ROWAN program. I met him at our Saturday Children’s program during my recent trip to Mawanga. During part of the day, all the children were having their hair cut; which our staff was educating and promoting good hygiene and health. It was a great way to tangibly show the kids little steps to take care of themselves. We had our very own “Mobile Barbershop” set up and groups of kids were being cycled through.

Mawanga Barbershop 

Looking at Moses' feet

As Pastor Paul and I observed the process, he mentioned to me that once a month he usually examines feet for jiggers. I told him I had never seen jiggers before and I wanted to know what they were, how to identify them, and simply what he normally does. We asked a couple of kids to sit down with us so we could examine their feet. We slipped of the shoes of Moses and we immediately were speechless (picture above). Since never seeing what jiggers are or what they do, I asked “Are these jiggers?” Pastor said “no”, but after asking Moses, he immediately said, “No, these are not jiggers, but rats. Rats have been eating the bottom of his feet”. I nearly fell over. My stomach dropped from hearing the words. I had to ask him again because I couldn’t believe it was true. I was in disbelief. I have never heard or better yet, seen the effects of rats eating human flesh.

Come to find out, Pastor Paul explained to me that Moses lived in a thatched house (straw grass as the roof with a mud/rock mixture for the walls..picture below) and there were a lot of rats that come into those homes looking for food. When they don’t find food, they begin gnawing on the bottom of feet. Just about unreal and almost unbelievable. Looking at Moses’ feet, there were several layers of skin chewed off, which was proven by the different shades of pink I saw; some areas were even raw. I couldn’t believe this happened to this precious little child.

An example of a house Moses lives in..

“How do we fix this?”, I said. Pastor again looked at me and said, “most people who live in these types of homes face these types of challenges.” My heart just broke…again. This is the reality of so many people with so many numerous challenges, but through even a physical hardship, there seems to be a glimmer of hope in their smiles...

This is another real story happening NOW. Every single night! Stop and think about it…and in that moment, I ask of you to pray not only for Moses but all of those suffering from a form of foot illness, disease or the effects of those living in homes where rats enter...